Clarity

I think it's incredible how cruel life can be, yet how you can just open your window, look outside, and smile. I've been tossing around a couple things in my head, and I can't seem to make up my mind about any of them. Being indecisive is an utterly crushing state of mind. I hate it. It's makes it impossible for me to plan anything, and that leads me to believe that I have no clue what I'm going to do with myself over the next couple years. Yet here I am, unmistakably enjoying myself. The future may look bleak, but I'm happy now, and confident that I will be in future "nows". I stayed up late last night, woke up early this morning, and here I am, writing to you (whoever you are). I float around other websites and blogs and what not, and I notice how the majority of random people use blogs to describe their feelings of sadness and whatnot. Sure, the occasional person has the "Yay I got the new job" or "I'm in Love" blog or whatever. They come few and far between. It's hard for me not to be happy for some reason, I don't really understand. It's not because I look at third world countries and say "Wow, I'm so blessed to be here in America and have all these things at my finger tips." That isn't a reason to be happy. That's a reason to have compassion and give some of your time and effort and thought to those of us who aren't as blessed as we are. I don't want to say I'm an optimist anymore, because to me being an optimist means you are lifeless. It means no matter what, you're always happy. I think that everyone needs to be sad, angry, or depressed sometimes. Everyone needs to mourn. At the same time though, anyone who can't sit down and realize that there is always something worth smiling about is dumb. I know I'm just spewing things out of my mind (via my fingers) right now, but I just needed to type this stuff off my chest.
Anyways, my sister and her family arrive today, and I fully expect to be without the internet until Sunday. Totally worth it. I'm quite excited to spend time with them, things are much more exciting and fun when all my family is around. I'm sure they will appreciate a break from Graham as well, seeing as my Dad will be "taking" him for the entire weekend. I think I'm OK with that, because I'm going to be with him all this week while my Dad is at work, and I am the only one in the family who has met the little guy. I was looking closely at the family picture we took 2 years ago. It's incredible how much I've changed in 2 years. I mean, for one, I look MUCH better in my opinion. I look so chubby in the picture. I think it's funny when I look at myself now and then, I always appreciate my hair more too. It is leaving, I need to appreciate it more. I look older, even wiser, though I feel like that is too strong a word. I have learned so much in these last two years, it certainly shows. At the same time, It's incredible how happy I look. I mean, that year wasn't exactly amazing. Maybe it's because I'm with my family, I'm not sure. Hopefully this next week I can be just as happy, considering I feel like I'm running on a half empty tank.

Clarity: The quality or state of being clear
I'm sure you're wonder why that's the title of my blog. Well, for one, it's what I'm in need of. I need clarity in my life. For two, it's a really, REALLY good John Mayer song.