OJ, GW, and CR

Nothing like sitting at a table writing a blog while your girlfriends family makes dinner and does other assorted things. She's not there though, she's at her ex's house saying goodbye. I love how love has the tendency to explode little things out of proportion. I won't lie, i was a DA today, I pushed much to hard, but I still think there was some over reaction on the other side. Then I realized how much of a tiz i was being so I went on a drive, came home (this is very much a home to me now), showered, went to the store to buy some stuff for the trip home. By then she was leaving. I mean it's really OK that she goes to see him, I don't mind at all. He means a lot to her. Regardless she's pissed at me. Rofl. Nothing like some confliction to make a relationship, let alone a long distance relationship, work.


Orange Juice is getting me through this. That and today washington was gorgeous. LOOOOVED it today.

Misunderstood

It's unbelievable how you can say something and have it taken the exact opposite way you want it too. Let's tell a story, explain my situation right now. I'll be skipping some of the beginning details to get to the more recent stuff. Also, please forgive me If i need to step away from the story and explain some things.

Over the past two months or so, I've fallen in love. Cruel irony: The girl I fell in love with decided to move home to Washinton (St). I can't complain about her moving really, because I told her I wanted her to go (I had the distinct impression that she needed to go home). Now we were never really together, we never really took the plunge. It was more or less a mutual agreement that we liked (then loved) each other. Now some of you out there are going to say, "Wow, isn't two months a little fast to fall in love?" or "That's not really being in love.." or whatever. I'm verifying right now that I'm more in love with this girl any other girl I've loved. It's not even close really, it's like a complete eclipse.

Anyways, so she moved away, and over the past couple weeks, we've been keeping in touch through phone calls/text/AIM. I know every critic in the world says long distance never works, but I've somehow managed to fall more in love with her regardless the fact she lives hundreds of miles away. Totally brilliant of myself right? Paraphrase: I'm in love with a girl who isn't my girlfriend who lives hundreds of miles away. That's up to last night.

So last night I call her, because I kind of get the vibe that's she's not in a good mood, and I seem to have a knack for cheering her up. So we talk, and it's the same old, same old. "How was your day?" "Good, yours?" kinda thing. I was in a hyper mood because I'd just watched FutureSex/LoveShow on HBO, and was currently nursing a mountain dew. So i was walking around my apartment complex, going to different spots that I held sacred because they were "our" spots. Then I remembered I needed to go grocery shopping, so I told her she was coming with me. So off to the Wal and the shopping and pretending like I was a complete jerk asking my wife if I needed things. After completing my shopping, I head to my old roommates apartment because I wanted nothing to do with my current roommates. Everyone was asleep, so I figured I'd head back to my apartment (I'm still on the phone). Then she starts to talk about how dumb it is that we're in love. I was so shocked by the change of subject I sat down on the stairs.

Now I need to explain something. People would say I'm an optimist. I tend to take bad things and find the good in them. It's my gift. I wouldn't agree with them. If I'm an optimist, I'm the most depressed optimist alive. Anyways, I'm sorry world, but I'm not the guy who forces decisions on girls. I'm not going to cry and tell a girl I love her and not to leave me. If she wants to go, she can go. I'll save my tears for later. Crying shouldn't be used as a weapon for pity. Crying is the last thing I do before I decide it's time to pick myself up. I've "forced" some girls through some horrible stuff (they'd agree) and I don't want to do it again. This is why when It comes to calling things off (unless I'm the one doing the calling), I'm totally non-emotional. Actually I wouldn't say non-emotional, I'd say scared.

Back to the stairs. As we started to talk about exactly how stupid we are, I got into my "this discussion can only end badly" mode. I was emotionless (scared). The way things went, she said that everything would be fine, which my history shows is the girl thing to do. Then she asked me how I feel about us not living close enough for anything to happen. I don't remember word for word what I said, but apparently I gave an impression, and the phone conversation ended with me shocked once again. I sat on my couch for about a minute, went into my room, got undressed, got into bed, and stared at my wall. As I ran through what I said, I felt an old feeling creep over me. I got the tremendous desire to change everything. I went to sleep.

I woke up, and It was like i'd been taken back in time. I was like a blob, I just floated to my cell phone, called T-mobile and payed my bill. Then I got into change mode. I shaved. I called my friend and told her I wanted a hair cut ASAP. I canceled a vacation. Most of all, I figured out exactly where I was going to go to put myself as far away from this as possible. I may have canceled one vacation, but I am going somewhere. I'm thinking East somewhere. Not Boston this time. Regardless, I'm getting out of Utah as soon as possible. As for right now, I'm doing what I always do. I'm listening to John Mayer. I'm writing this. I'm going to work in a couple of hours. I'm not quite ready to start deleting things, but I've thought about it. As for right now, I'm going to the piano. I'm gonna learn a new song. It's called Dreaming With A Broken Heart.

Anyways, I hope you all had great Labor Day weekends.