I Probably Hate You Right Now

I'm sick:

• of people who are in/have been in shitty relationships trying to give me advice.
• of being a side show, a convenience, a solution to a distance problem, a solution to sexual needs, a shoulder to cry on.... 
• just thinking about how pathetic I've been the last few months. 
• of feeling like I'm not worth it. In my bones, just FEELING it.
• of hearing the words "I really like you"

and generally speaking:


I'm sick of being a boyfriend, but not having a girlfriend.

Nope. I can't. Damn

Inhale

I can do this. 

Exhale

Two weeks has never looked this long before. 

Sometimes I do self destructive things. Sometimes I'm heartless, cold even. 

I've created an exterior persona since I've moved here. He doesn't have a boundary and he doesn't have a filter.  He's the "bad boy" I had to keep inside me all those years I was following the rules and playing the part and living a lie. I moved to Boston, and I let him out. And he did what he was suppose to, he broke hearts and he broke rules. 

I've been here for a year and a half, and I've been that guy almost the entire time. 

Lately, the old me is creeping back, slowly regaining control. I'm not saying I'll be going back to church or any of that. I just feel like I was happier being the good guy.

So that's what I'm going to be. 

Over Thinking

Yesterday morning I came to the conclusion that I've been thinking too much about this whole situation. So, I've stopped thinking and decided to let my heart guide me (cheesy sounding as it is, that's how I feel).

After one day, I'm much happier. Instead of dwelling on the problem, I'm just enjoying what I do have. And god do I enjoy what I have